When you look up the definition of "Caregiver" you will see a picture of the Diet Nazi above the caption. This woman will ensure the poor slob under her supervision abides by proper medical, hygiene, and nutritional protocols even if it kills him. KingRAT doesn't even believe extraterrestrial life exists but has been subjected to Alien Butt Probes twice in the past year because Dr. Phil told her it might be a good idea for "older" rodent potentates to be tested thusly. HOGWASH!
The Diet Nazi understands that excessive limitations on certain menu items, like cornbread, bacon, and desert will eventually cause revolt, and violent disturbances in the force. Therefore, "treats" are frequently included in the menu but are stored in a special impenetrable vault, and doled out in strict portions. Although the "desert" items are sweet and creamy, they contain absolutely no nutritional value, and are manufactured from such things as broccoli byproducts, tofu extract, soybean shells, and watercress stems. Seventy-three portions of this desert would contain the equivalent animal fat of one ounce of real ice cream. Nevertheless, any violation of the ration schedule or tampering with the locks on the Treat Vault results in heavy punishment.
KingRAT was recently convicted - a real kangaroo court operated by the Diet Nazi, but that's another story - of one count of "Misdemeanor Treat Vault Tampering" and was sentenced to lunch at a Peachtree City Hippie-Yuppy tofu boutique. Not only was KingRAT denied the opportunity to chose his own menu selection, the menu in this politically correct outhouse is devoid of anything a real Southern Boy would call food. Oh, they advertise bacon all right, but carefully explain it's made from chicken. The "butter" they let you put on the biscuits is organically grown in Nebraska but has never seen the inside of a cow. Who the hell puts spinach in their omelet? God only knows what their "cheese" is made of. I believe sausage made from turkeys is banned in several of the former Confederate states, but this bunch of froo-froo's proudly features such crap on their menu. As bad as it was, the coffee was pretty good.
KingRAT is a tough old bird and survived the torture without spilling the beans on the details of Saturday morning's ROMEO gatherings. Tough Love accurately describes the Diet Nazi's bedside manner on nutrition around our house. The irony of the situation is the the old gal is one of the finest practitioners of old-school Southern cooking still alive. She makes Paula Dean look like a Waffle House short-order cook. Every once in a while she throws off the shackles and serves up something like authentic Cajun seafood gumbo. KingRAT patiently awaits the next episode. Hope springs eternal for Publix to put shrimp on sale soon.
KingRAT
August, 2014
